Resilient lives

Many right ways

The first thing to remember when parenting is the topic of conversation is that there are many right ways to be a parent. Each parent and each child will create their own connection and it is important to factor in each person preferences because in addition to helping our children become capable contributing people we also want to have fun in the process and we want our children to enjoy the journey as well.

My rule when listening parenting advice is to gather as much information as I can and them sort through the various ideas and decide what to apply now, what to save for the future and what is just not going to work for me or my child.

With that in mind here are some thoughts about helping our children learn to live resilient lives.

What is resilience

The definition of resilience is interesting. It is being capable of withstanding shock without permanent deformation, or the ability to recover from or adjust easily to misfortune or change.

Life will present many changes, as well as our fair share of misfortune and shock. As much as we would like to prevent this from happening real growth and strength come to all of us as we face these experience and learn how to move forward in a positive way. How do we help our children develop the skills when they are young that will help them as they face these challenges?


Healthy Environment

First, as much as you can create a healthy environment. If the entire existence of a person is in chaos it can be hard for the child to know where to start. To create an environment that is as healthy as possible. That includes a healthy attitude to challenges. If our children are surrounded by people who have a "Can do" attitude or the idea that there is a solution to every problem, they will be more likely to seek out solutions. In these healthy environments challenges and failures are discussed openly as opposed to being hidden or swept under the rug. It is important to respect the privacy of each person but the concerns are discussed with the necessary people and solutions found.

In these healthy environments, past failures and the solutions that were found are discussed with the idea that the experience might help the next generation.

Encouraged to try new things

1. one thing you are good at and one thing that is a challenge
2. teaches compassion when you are involved in the activity that challenges you.
3. focused on the life skills that activity can teach not only the end result
4. Good for our children to see us learn a new skill and practice resiliency

Act as their mentor

sounding board, or place for them to process the experience
we can guide them with questions and help them think of solutions
for example.
1. What did you do?
2, How did that work out for you?
3. What else could you have done?
4. What do you think the results would have been from each of these other options?
5. If you could do it again what would you change what would you keep?
6. Do you think you will have another chance?
7. What would you like to do next time?

These questions do a few things.

1. Allow the child to still own the situation, you don't sweep in and take the problem
2. It helps them think through the situation and analyze it.
3. It communicates that there will be a "next time" or another opportunity

Let them have the moment to feel the pain of the situation
This may sound strange but the energy that comes for the pain of disappointment can actually be the energy need to get them started on the new path. Being a resilient person does not mean that they do not feel disappointment but it is channeling that disappointment into a new opportunity.

Things parents should ensure their children know

Things parents should ensure their children know

 6 categories
each topic can be discussed at each age 
but you go into greater detail each year

Physical

Good nutrition

Importance of adequate sleep

Exercise

Shower

Brush teeth

Shave

Dressing for each occasion

Modesty (slip, underclothing)

Healthy Cooking

Healthy grocery shopping

Clean to maintain good health

Drugs/ Alcohol/ Pornography/ Abuse/ Eating Disorders

Social

Problem resolution

Door and phone etiquette

Thank you notes (thank the mother)

Table manners

Not to interrupt

How to start a conversation

How to end a conversation

How to maintain a relationship

Group dynamics

Emotional intelligence

Negotiation

Emotional

Achieving proper balance

Articulating emotions

Bridle passion

Showing love

Healthy self-evaluation

Self Control

Anger management

Time Management

Persistence in the face of obstacles

The connection of Emotional and Physical

Patience

Healthy and good sex

Enjoying the journey

Education

Read

Write
Math

Writing Letters

Job application

Understandable email and other communication

Prepare to support your family

How to apply for and succeed in College or another post-High School education

Speaking with proper grammar

Maintenance of personal belongings

Money management

Saving for emergency

Loans and Interest

Food and water storage

How to use credit/ debit cards and checks

Car care, driving a manual transmission

Insurance health, auto, homeowners, renters, life

Laundry

Basic sewing

Home care: cleaning, furnace filters,
Basic home repairs

Paying bills

Affordable grocery shopping

Taxes

Spiritual

Prayer

Repentance

Forgiveness

Hope

Charity

Love

Doctrine

Church History

How to gain a testimony

How to receive personal revelation

How to discern truth

Searching For answers in the Scriptures

Tithing

The importance of the temple

How to Eat Chocolate

                                                       

         How to Eat Chocolate

I have not yet forgotten the moment, the smell, the sight of so many little chocolate bars set before me.
Each with its amount of cacao displayed along with characteristics typical to that type of chocolate.
I was at my first ever chocolate tasting class.

My husband and I were on vacation with our crew of very active children.
We were touring various sites along the East Coast of the United States.
Those of you that have traveled with children or have watched parents travel with children can imagine the
scene. Our boisterous group had just spent a few hours in the car and they were ready for an adventure.
I had spent a few hours as the car seat waitress. Passing fruit snacks, fixing electronic devices, mending
Quarles was the order of business for me. I was in full mommy mode. When that mode hits everyone in the
family can hear in my voice. It is best described as a “Extreme Patience”.

As we entered the building the kids got more excited. They saw the amusement park style ride, and the
make your own chocolate station and they knew we had not failed them. As they were jumping around, all
calling to me about what activity they wanted to do first, I saw my husband return. Honestly, I had not
noticed him walk away. I was busy scouting out the nearest bathrooms to be ready when the inevitable
moment hit, as well as checking all exits and places where a two-year-old might hide. Once I felt confident
I could navigate all the likely mishappens in our new surroundings, I started to organize the events of the
afternoon and do the negotiating necessary to get our whole team on board. At that point, my husband
placed his hand on my arm and handed me a ticket. I turned it over and read “ Chocolate Tasting Class”.
I had noticed that option posted when we walked in. It intrigued me but I knew that was the last place I
wanted to take our entire crew. I realized then that he had only purchased one ticket. He smiled, took
the baby from my arms and lead me to the door of the classroom. I looked in. Everything was quiet and
orderly. A few well-dressed visitors had already taken their seats and were chatting quietly. At first, I
protested. It would not really be fair for me to leave my husband with our rowdy crew, sit for an entire
30 minutes and learn how to taste chocolate. He smiled and left with the kids. The only thing left for me
to do was to quietly slip into a chair near the front.

Sitting there waiting for the class to start, the tension of full mommy mode started to slip from me.
Before  I realized it the class had started and the lecturer was showing us how chocolate was made.
He informed us that chocolate from different locations tastes different and pointed out more interesting
facts about the process. Then he arrived at the lesson that struck me in such a way that I still have not
forgotten it. He taught us how to eat chocolate. Unwrap it, smell it, listen to it snap when you break off
a piece, place a small piece in your mouth and let it rest, feel the sensation of it melting in your mouth,
savor the flavor, notice the different notes of flavor, enjoy it.

Although I had eaten a fair number of chocolate pieces in my life I had never had an experience quite
like this. When I slowed down just a bit there was so much to the experience that I had never noticed
before. The experience, the sensations, the different notes of flavor stood out in stark contrast to the
Halloween night style of chocolate eating that had been my previous experience.

I was startled that in the few moments it took to Taste the Chocolate my perspective could
change so drastically. That little piece of chocolate now had new meaning to me because I
took the time to experience it.

That moment has stayed with me and I began to wonder how many other of the more or less
daily experiences of life could be transformed if I slowed down and learned how to
“Taste the Chocolate.”

Grace Ayuso

Grace Ayuso vive en Manta, Ecuador. Ella y su esposo tienen 4 hijos y disfrutan de verlos crecer. Aqui son  pensamientos de Grace de la maternidad y lo que ha aprendido a través de los últimos 11 años, como una madre y una esposa.

Para tener éxito como madre hay que ama a sus hijos. Se puede sentir el verdadero amor que sienten por ellos y se sienten seguros cuando son amados. Como una madre debe tener fe. Muchas veces en la vida tenemos problemas y nos sentimos que nuestra fe comienza a bajar. Es entonces cuando tenemos que trabajar para aumentar nuestra fe.

Mi mayor apoyo como madre es mi marido. Él me ayuda con todo. Él me ayuda con todo lo espiritual, físico y emocional.

Cuando me siento triste y necesito alguien con quien hablar, él está allí para escucharme. Sólo escucha mientras comparto mis pensamientos. I es agradable para descargar mis preocupaciones.

También ayuda con el trabajo de la casa. Al principio, cuando nos casamos y me gustaría ayudar con el trabajo alrededor de la casa de su padre y su hermano se burlaban de él. Eso no le impidió ayudarme. Ahora, su padre y su hermano han visto su ejemplo y ayudar a sus esposas también. Este acto ha hecho este cambio para todos ellos.

Vida en Guayaquil Ecuador

Hoy en día nos encontramos con Jenny Moran. Ella vive con su marido, mi hija (11) y dos chicos (8,5) en el Cerro Santa Ana, Guayaquil Ecuador.




Jenny y su familia tienen una tienda de barrio donde ella y su esposo trabaja todos los días excepto domingos y festivos. Ella es bien conocida y muy querida en su barrio. Jenny comparte sus respuestas aquí acerca de la maternidad.

# 1. ¿Cuál es la parte más dificil de la maternidad? Creo que la parte más dificil de ser madre es aprender a comprender a nuestros hijos. Cada niño tiene un temperamento diferente y un modo diverso de expresarse. Creo que el verdadero reto de la maternidad es de aprender cómo llegar a cada uno de nuestros niños.

# 2 ¿Qué es lo que más le gusta de ser madre? Me gusta pasar tiempo con ellos. Disfruto de cada día. Crecen demasiado pronto y entonces están en una etapa diverso de la vida, así que trato de disfrutar hoy.

# 3 ¿Qué consejo le darías a tu hija, cuando ella se convierte en madre? Mi consejo es tener paciencia.

# 4 ¿Qué aprendió de su madre que es valioso para usted hoy? Yo aprendí de mi madre para hacer lo correcto siempre. Ella me enseñó a elegir siempre hacer lo correcto. Ella siempre estaba conmigo y siempre me da consejo. A pesar de que no siempre me gustó que estaba siempre conmigo y siempre me aconsejaba
. Más tarde me enteré de que estaba siempre en mi mejor interés.

# 5 ¿Qué consejo le daría a otras mujeres, y otras madres? Yo diría que siempre debemos tener metas. Si tenemos meta siempre podemos estar trabajando para ser más. No debemos decimos a nosotros mismos que sólo soy una madre. No todos los días un gol de lograr. Si tenemos metas y sueños, y estamos trabajando para acomplish ellos, Dios nos ayudará a alcanzar nuestros sueños. Podemos tener confianza en él.

Mothering with Grace.

Grace Ayuso lives in Manta, Ecuador. She and her husband have 4 children and enjoy watching them grow. Grace's thoughts on motherhood reflex what she has learned through the past 11 years as a mother and a wife.

To be successful as a mother you must love your children. They can feel the true love you have for them and they feel safe when they are loved. As a mother you must have faith. Often in life we have problems and we feel our faith begin to go down. That is when we need to work to increase our faith.

My greatest support as a mother is my husband. He helps me with everything. He helps me with all things spiritual, physical, and emotional.

When I feel sad and I need someone to talk to; he is there to listen to me. He just listens while I share my thoughts. I is nice to unload my concerns.

He also helps with the house work. At first when we were married and he would help me with the work around the house his father and his brother would make fun of him. It didn't stop him from helping me. Now his father and his brother have seen his example and they help their wives as well.  This act has made this change for all of them.

Life in Guayaquil Ecuador

Today we meet Jenny Moran.  She lives with her husband, daughter(11) and two boys (8,5) in Cerro Santa Anna, Guayaquil Ecuador.

Jenny and her family own a neighborhood store where she and her husband work everyday except Sunday and holidays. She is well known and well loved in her neighborhood. Jenny shares her answers here about motherhood.

#1. What is the most dificult part of motherhood? I think the most dificult part of Motherhoos is learning to understand our children. Each child has a different temperment and a differnt way to express themselves. I feel that the true challange of Motherhood is to learn how to reach each on of our children.

#2 What do you most enjoy about being a Mother? I enjoy spending time with them. I enjoy each day. They grow up too soon and then they are in a differnt stage of life so I try to enjoy today.

#3 What advice will you have for your daughter,  when she becomes a mother?  My advice is to have patience.

#4 What did you learn from your mother that is valuable to you today? I learn from my mother to do the  right thing always. She taught me to always choose to do what was right. She was always qwith me and always giving me council. Even though I didn't always like it she was always with me and always counciling me. I learned later that it was always in my best interest.

#5 What advice do you have for other women, and other mothers?  I would say that we should always have goals. If we have goal we can always be working to become more. We should not say to ourselves that I am only a mother. There is alway another goal to achieve. If we have goals and dreams and we are working to acomplish them, God will help us reach our dreams. We can have confidence in him.