Resilient lives

Many right ways

The first thing to remember when parenting is the topic of conversation is that there are many right ways to be a parent. Each parent and each child will create their own connection and it is important to factor in each person preferences because in addition to helping our children become capable contributing people we also want to have fun in the process and we want our children to enjoy the journey as well.

My rule when listening parenting advice is to gather as much information as I can and them sort through the various ideas and decide what to apply now, what to save for the future and what is just not going to work for me or my child.

With that in mind here are some thoughts about helping our children learn to live resilient lives.

What is resilience

The definition of resilience is interesting. It is being capable of withstanding shock without permanent deformation, or the ability to recover from or adjust easily to misfortune or change.

Life will present many changes, as well as our fair share of misfortune and shock. As much as we would like to prevent this from happening real growth and strength come to all of us as we face these experience and learn how to move forward in a positive way. How do we help our children develop the skills when they are young that will help them as they face these challenges?


Healthy Environment

First, as much as you can create a healthy environment. If the entire existence of a person is in chaos it can be hard for the child to know where to start. To create an environment that is as healthy as possible. That includes a healthy attitude to challenges. If our children are surrounded by people who have a "Can do" attitude or the idea that there is a solution to every problem, they will be more likely to seek out solutions. In these healthy environments challenges and failures are discussed openly as opposed to being hidden or swept under the rug. It is important to respect the privacy of each person but the concerns are discussed with the necessary people and solutions found.

In these healthy environments, past failures and the solutions that were found are discussed with the idea that the experience might help the next generation.

Encouraged to try new things

1. one thing you are good at and one thing that is a challenge
2. teaches compassion when you are involved in the activity that challenges you.
3. focused on the life skills that activity can teach not only the end result
4. Good for our children to see us learn a new skill and practice resiliency

Act as their mentor

sounding board, or place for them to process the experience
we can guide them with questions and help them think of solutions
for example.
1. What did you do?
2, How did that work out for you?
3. What else could you have done?
4. What do you think the results would have been from each of these other options?
5. If you could do it again what would you change what would you keep?
6. Do you think you will have another chance?
7. What would you like to do next time?

These questions do a few things.

1. Allow the child to still own the situation, you don't sweep in and take the problem
2. It helps them think through the situation and analyze it.
3. It communicates that there will be a "next time" or another opportunity

Let them have the moment to feel the pain of the situation
This may sound strange but the energy that comes for the pain of disappointment can actually be the energy need to get them started on the new path. Being a resilient person does not mean that they do not feel disappointment but it is channeling that disappointment into a new opportunity.